Dating after Divorce Love

Looking for Love After Divorce: 12 Essential Tips for Dating as a Single Mom

unrecognizable couple holding hands at sunset

As a single mom, I recently started dating again and it has been quite an eye-opener. I’ve had my fair share of bad dates, but I’ve also learned a lot about myself, as well as what women who are dating and raising kids need from men in order to feel comfortable enough to move forward with someone new.

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Here are tips for dating as a single mom that has worked for me:

Your kids come first

As a single mother, it’s essential to always keep in mind that your children come first and foremost above everything else. This is something that I learned very early on in life, and it’s something that I have held with me through thick and thin – my kids will always take precedence over anything else. They are the most important thing in my life and they always have been, and they always will be. At first, it can be difficult to comprehend. However, once you accept this fact, it becomes easier to navigate dating as a parent.

Realize that you are entitled to have a life.

It can sometimes seem like everyone has an opinion about whether you should date or not; however, this is your life and you are the one who gets to live it, not someone else. If your kids are young, just imagine how many years you’ll be out of the dating scene before they leave home. If you feel ready to date, there is no reason to wait for the perfect time or until the nest is empty.

man and woman hugging on brown field

You deserve it.

You deserve it. You are a person and you deserve to be happy, have fun, and be loved. You’ve been through a lot in your life and so many people don’t get the chance that you do to find true love again. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of happiness, and you deserve it all. You have to let go of the past You can’t change what’s happened in your life. It’s over and done with and there is no going back. You can only move forward.

Let it go, let go of the pain, and let the past be what it was – a part of your life that’s over and done with. You have to believe in yourself You have to believe that you deserve happiness and love again. You have to believe that you will find someone who is right for you, as they are out there somewhere (they may not even know it yet!).

If a date can’t handle your kids, they’re not for you.

A lot of people assume that because you’re a single mom, your kids are off-limits to anyone who wants to date you. This is not true! Your children should be an integral part of your life and there’s no reason why they can’t be included in the process of dating. If a guy can’t handle them being around, then he’s not right for us.

If we don’t know how our dates will react when they meet our kids (or if it will even happen), then I usually try to introduce them over text first so I can gauge their reaction before meeting face-to-face.

Take your time.

The most important piece of advice I can give you is to take your time. As a single mom, it can be tempting to rush into a relationship, but don’t let the fear of being alone stop you from meeting new people. You need to get out there and be open-minded about dating. This doesn’t mean going on tons of first dates with every guy who asks; it means taking chances on people who interest you and saying no when something isn’t right for either party involved.

When choosing a potential partner, many factors come into play, such as age, race/ethnicity, income level, education level, etc. Ultimately, what matters most is the chemistry between two people; if they have similar interests or hobbies, it helps create more common ground, making it easier for them to feel comfortable during conversations, such as dinner dates, etc.

Good guys do exist.

and it’s important to not get discouraged by the bad. There are many good people out there, but you have to put in the effort and be willing to take a chance on someone who interests you. Don’t waste your time on people who don’t make an effort or care about getting to know you better, as those types of people are not worth it. If a guy is interested in meeting you, he will make the effort to do so. If he isn’t willing to text or call you first, then that’s not worth your time; you deserve better!

Don’t settle just because someone is nice to you.

You deserve a guy who treats you well and respects your feelings. If you don’t feel respected or that someone is being honest with you, then that person is not worth your time. Go with your gut here! There are plenty of guys out there who will treat you right, so don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve! If you met someone online—or anywhere else—remember that he is not the only person in the world.

Don’t be afraid to meet up with other people! Don’t settle for someone who isn’t right for you just because they’re a good option right now. There will always be someone better out there, and if it doesn’t work out with this guy, another one will come along soon enough. You don’t need a relationship to be happy; being single can be fun, too!

Make sure to communicate your needs early on and consistently.

As women, we are at risk of falling behind if we don’t take the initiative. Therefore, we should stay vigilant and take action to maintain our standards. Be upfront and honest about what you want. Tell him what you want and mean it. I know he’s attractive, and your mom likes him, but if he doesn’t want the same things you do, it won’t work. Wouldn’t you rather know upfront if this is an adventure you should take? Do the work listed above and be confident in this next season of your life. You will find a love that deserves you when you know what you deserve and acts accordingly.

cute couple hugging on bridge
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The person who cares about you will understand and won’t pressure you to do anything to jeopardize how you feel about yourself.

The person who cares about you will understand and won’t pressure you to do anything to jeopardize how you feel about yourself.

I’ve had a lot of dates who didn’t get it, and they tried to push me into doing things I wasn’t comfortable with or asking questions that felt invasive. Those were not good situations for me at all, so if someone pressures you into anything that makes you uncomfortable, just say no!

If they react badly (which some people do), it is probably best not to go out with them again, or at least until they have learned their lesson about respecting your boundaries and treating other people with kindness and respect.

Normalize dating for your kids.

It’s important to normalize dating for your kids. They are curious about it, and they will ask you questions about it. It’s good to answer these questions as honestly and openly as possible–but it’s also important not to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation when you do so.

Here are some tips on how to explain dating:

  • Be honest with them about what dating is, but don’t go into too much detail (e.g., “When two people like each other, they go out on dates together”).
  • Explain that there are many different kinds of relationships that fall under the umbrella term “dating” (e.g., friends who are friends with benefits or married couples).
  • Make sure that whatever explanation you give is appropriate for your child’s developmental level; for example, if your school-aged child asks why his mommy went out last night without him and came home late at night smelling of cologne, tell him that this is just something grown-ups do sometimes!

You’ll have more success if you focus on what you want rather than on what you don’t want.

When it comes to dating, I’ve found that it’s much more effective to focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want. For example, if someone asks me out for coffee and I’m not interested in them romantically, I simply say no thanks! If someone asks me out for dinner and wine but I’m not a fan of alcohol (or only drink a little), then the answer is no thanks!

There is absolutely no reason to accept an invitation when it’s not something that I’m comfortable with. It’s simply not worth the hassle of being led on or feeling awkward because someone wants something from us that we just don’t want to give them.

Dating after divorce is hard and it takes time, but being honest with yourself will help make it easier

Being honest with yourself is the key to dating after divorce. If you’re not sure if someone is right for you, then they probably aren’t. Don’t rush into anything because of loneliness or pressure from others; remember that you deserve to be happy and make decisions based on what makes sense for your life.

It can be hard when your kids are involved in a relationship, but try not to let them hinder yours by making sure their needs are taken care of first before yours or anyone else’s (this includes exes). Remember that everyone has boundaries–if someone crosses yours, they need to know immediately so they can respect those boundaries!

If you’re looking for love, remember that it’s out there and you deserve to find it.

You just need to keep trying and stay positive! If you’re feeling nervous about dating again after divorce, we hope these tips will help give you the confidence boost needed to get back out there again.

So Girl re-ignite your love life and have fun!

What is your best tip for dating after divorce? Please share it with me in the comments below.

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Danielle

Danielle is a single mother of two preteens and writes about single motherhood and reinvention after divorce in midlife. She is a freelance copywriter and Pinterest Manager for hire, specializing in original content for female entrepreneurs, creatives, and life coaches. She has a passion for helping other women promote their businesses online.

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